Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I am the Bat Pt. 1

From high above, I watch. Nothing escapes me. I am the protector. I am justice. I am THE BAT.

 Swear to me!

Day 1 While assisting that spit-curled, pretty-boy Superman to battle some schmuck with an impossible to pronounce name, I wound up here, on the front lawn of what appears to be a house in an alternate dimension. While I am not a fan of finding myself in a strange new land with few leads to follow, I am a fan of the previous owner’s attitude to ne’er do-wells.

That's right, don't even give 'em an opening!

It’s all too rare to find common citizens taking a stand of their own, securing their loved ones and themselves. It sure makes my job a lot easier, any way.

After entering the house and making myself a cocktail at the main floor wet bar (if I’m gonna be stuck here, I might as well be stuck and relaxed, right?), I investigate the various rooms of the… house? I gotta say, as a billionaire playboy, crime-fighting, straitjacket escaping, handsome-man, I’ve seen a lot of houses. In fact, my house IS a lot of houses, ground up and reconstituted to be the world’s biggest and most expensive house, but I’ve never seen a house like this. So many supplies! So much preparation! So many places to put giant pennies! I’m in hog heaven!
All my smiles get turned upside down as soon as I get myself geared up and ready to get to the bottom of things. First, I hear some kind of wet slapping noise as I enter the sub-basement/soon-to-be Bat Cave. I’m wondering to myself “Jeez, I’m gonna have to get this place checked for leaks,” but then I see what the source is.

Now, I don’t know about you, but most of the time when splotchy, slappy, green things start flip-flopping their way at The Bat, I gotta reach for some kind of pharmaceutical or weed killer to get business taken care of. According to some sign, these things are some sicko’s pets, or livestock, or crops; I ain’t into agriculture much. All the same, these damned things keep jumpin at me like a dog in heat! So I do the only thing I know how to do: Distract the monsters and make them fall into a giant hole. WORKS EVERY TIME!

 Easy as one...
Posing for a second while whispering “I am The Bat.” Classic.

 There’s a sign around here that makes mention of an abandoned mineshaft. Sounds like a good place to bust up some old squatting miners or the ghosts of abusive foremen. Either way, I ought to sleep soundly in the morning! Batman out!

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