“Hey, Excrement! I’m back!” I always call him Excrement. He loves it. Jeez, it’s cold in here. “Hey! Excr-“
Hmm. He left me a present! “R…Ru…” Oh whatever. He knows I can’t read. So smug. Let’s see what he – OH GOOD A BOOK I LOVE BOOKS. What a jerk.
Why is it so cold in here?!?! “Exasmus! Why’s the fire out!?”
Ah well. Dude’s gotta do what a dude’s gotta do. I’m sure he won’t mind me using his gift to, I don’t know, “KEEP MYSELF ALIVE!”
That’s better. Nice and toasty. Nice and toasty gets the roasty! That’s what my dad always said. No idea what it meant.
Man, I’m hungry. Starving. I wonder what Ol’ Excrement’s got in his chests.
Nothing! Not a single morsel. You think a guy’d be more considerate, seeing as I just spent the last year on the road to get here from Woot. Stupid Woot. Stupid monsters. I -
You’ve got to be kidding me. That’s it. I’m out. I’m leaving. As soon as that thing is gone, I’m GONE. Looks like Stupid Old Poopface has a nice cushy bed, though. Might as well take a nap. Wait this whole situation out. Nice and easy…
“WAUGH!” Okay, apparently sleep isn’t happening. Stupid Woot. And I can still hear that… thing outside.
“Exasmus! I’m going through your things! If you disapprove, say so!”
Found exactly what I need. Time to tunnel out of here. Apprenticeship be damned! I’m going back to school!
Hmm. I think I went too far.
This is weird. I’ll just turn around and -
Yep! Definitely too far! Time to go!
“This has been great, Exasmy! I’ve really learned a lot!” What a joke. I just don’t want to die.
How did I…
I think I’m gonna throw up.